Sunday, December 4, 2011

That Sense of Unease

You know, I had thought we were doing pretty well, we have a pretty good routine and the Muddy kids are all doing pretty well, no major illnesses, no major dramas. But I feel it building the sense of unease, that queasy feeling that things are starting to unravel. And they do you know. You can travel along just nicely for a while but every so often things have to unravel, and they generally do so in a major way, whether it's a major illness with one of the kids or Muddy Hubby, or the latest 'major' issue with the Pre School Committee, or the wet weather. It's this unraveling that lets you know you're human, that it's OK if things don't go to plan.
At the moment it's the little things building that are giving me this sense of spiralling out of control. My house looks like my  washing machine threw up, with piles and piles of clean washing yet to be folded and put away. A half put up Christmas Tree because the girls were adamant that it was finished and my need for order and completeness disagrees and thinks we still need to finish it with the other 30 odd decorations yet to go on. Then there's the unmown lawn, because who has time to mow while it's harvest! My list goes on, and on.

I hate, absolutely HATE this feeling of unease. I like order, control, routine and a tidy (rarely clean, Thank You Muddy children) house. I was hoping that after the big Preschool Christmas Concert, Graduation and Fete that this sense of unease would lessen. It hasn't. I'm now pinning my hopes on it disappearing when harvest is over, still many days away!

In the interim though I'm finding peace in the small things, the absolute feeling of pride watching My Muddy Preschooler as a Rabbit in her Christmas Concert and getting her Certificate for finishing preschool (don't get me started on my thoughts on this, another post I think). The feeling of awe each time Muddy Bubby smiles and the little drawings from my Muddy Girl 2 and the hugs from all my Muddy kids. That is the only way I have found to fight the unease, for now anyway.

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